How to date an older woman, if you’re a younger man

Did you have to read that title twice? That’s OK. So did I. In fact, I read that title and the entire article twice, because I really wanted to take it all in.

Here’s another question. Did you know that there are dating apps out there for younger men who want to date older women? There are. They have names like, “Cougar Life.” “CougarD.” “Adult Friend Finder.” “Naughty.” Clever, right?

Here’s another fun fact. There are dating apps for older men who want to date younger women. They have names like, “Established Men.” “Age Match.” “Millionaire Match.” “Rich Meet Beautiful.”

Maybe I’m just being overly sensitive, but there seems to be quite a difference between the names of these apps, depending on whether the man or the woman is older. Might as well go with something like, “Date a Naughty Corpse,” or “Land a Successful Man.”

Oh my. Please deliver me from ever having to date again. I have been happily married for 25 years, and for that I am very grateful. I have girlfriends who are my age and dating, and their stories would send chills down your spine (and not in a naughty cougar kind of way, either). 

Dating an older woman doesn’t require blueprints or user manuals. You don’t need special training. We’re people, too. Just be yourself.

Anyway, once I read the title of this article, I had to keep on reading. How does a younger man, in fact, talk to a mature woman? How does he go about dating her? Well, here are a couple of golden tips:

1.  “Never try to act like an older man.” (honest, it says that). 

Relax, younger men. All the older women I know can tell the difference, almost immediately, between a young man and an old one. We’re smart that way.

2.  “Don’t make the age gap the focus of conversation.”

It’s true, young men. If all you want to do is talk about the difference between our ages, you’re done. It’s not so much that we don’t want to talk about that age difference; it’s more about that fact that, if that’s the best you can do, you’re boring.

3.  “Ask her for advice.” Yes, we are all looking to mother someone. Again. Instead, try engaging in a real conversation, not a debate or an argument that can easily flare between two people of different generations. She’ll likely shed wisdom and a different perspective on the subject, and you’ll likely give her a new angle to consider.

4.  “Flatter her.” I beg to differ. Instead, try offering a genuine compliment. There’s a world of difference between flattery and a compliment.

5.  “A selfie, or even a nude, could spice things up.” This one has to be my favorite. Yes, go ahead and try that one. See what happens.

To reiterate, I hope to never, ever again be in the position of having to date. It seems that the world of social media has reduced just about everything down to a list of “Do’s and Don’ts,” and the advice is so often wrong. Social media has also completely eroded our social skills.

Younger men, if you are determined to meet and date older women, I’ll make it easy for you. Be genuine. Don’t rely on sexual innuendo or even flirtatious small talk to get her interested. If you’re talking to a woman of any measurable intelligence, these tactics will only insult her (spoiler alert: she may even laugh, because she’s likely warned her own teenage son against such behavior).

Show interest in her, and allow her to show interest in you. She may have been doing life longer than you have, but she’s also someone who loves to learn. 

Put down your phone. 

Don’t make all the interaction about her, because that’s not sustainable. While women my age do want to be respected and considered, we don’t want to be patronized.

And no, don’t send her a nude photo of yourself. Who does something like that? What could that possibly accomplish, besides making you look foolish, and indicating to her that you are looking for neither a conversation nor a date? I imagine there’s a different app for what you’re seeking. Several of them, in fact. 

And another thing, once a picture like that is out there in the web-o-sphere, it’s out there forever.  What would your mom think?

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